Now that my daughter is a senior in high school, she seems to have found a core group of good friends. This is a drastic change from when she was a tween and had a new friend group every week. Most teens go through this developmental process of figuring out who their close friends are.

“By the time teens are in 10th or 11th grade, everyone is feeling a lot more grounded in who they are and where they belong,” says Maria Sanders, LSW, a clinical social worker and certified parent coach.

Here are some ways teen friendships can change and how you can best support these changes:

Less Drama Among Friends

As tweens develop into teens, there tends to be more stability and less drama among their friend groups. “It may be helpful for parents to know that the drama that starts in seventh grade, if they just get through about three years and then they’ll be okay,” says Sanders.

More Independence with Friends

As teens develop, they are more independent from their parents but also feel more comfortable with this separation. So, their friendships are not as intense as they were when they were tweens. “Having more independence gives them freedom to navigate much more of their relationships on their own,” says Sanders. They are also able to spend more time with their friends since often they can drive or can arrange meeting up on their own without parent involvement. “Some of those freedoms, bring them to different scenarios, different situations, like more access to alcohol and drugs,” says Sanders.

Possible Risky Behaviors with Friends

Teenagers tend to be impulsive as their brain continues to develop. “During the typical brain development for a teen, their brains are in that phase of having difficulty with self-control, and taking risky behaviors,” says Sanders.

When teenagers are with their friends, they tend to do more dangerous behaviors, like use drugs or alcohol that they might not do on their own. “There are studies out there that show that when teens are with their peers, they are much more likely to engage in risky behavior than when they are alone,” says Sanders.

Ways You Can Be Supportive

 Set Boundaries and Expectations with Friendships

It’s normal for teens to want to stay out late with their friends but they also appreciate (although they won’t admit it) when you set boundaries and expectations. “When our boundaries and our expectations, are clearly articulated that helps them to navigate those unsafe situations,” says Sanders.

When setting these expectations about spending time with friends it’s important not to lecture them since that can hurt your relationship. “The more we lecture them and discipline them, the more we are held at arm's length,” says Caroline Maguire, a family coach in Massachusetts and the author of, Why Will No One Play With Me?

Discuss Possible Unsafe Situations

It’s important to discuss with your teen risky situations like being offered drugs or alcohol before it happens. “Some kids know that it's not in their best interest to take drugs, but they don't know how to get out of those situations,” says Sanders.

Maguire also discusses the importance of avoiding unsafe situations, “Be sure that your child has a safety net and is not put in a situation where they have to make choices, they are not ready for,” she says.

By discussing possible situations, you help your child to figure out how to respond. Sanders suggests saying, “It's normal that kids are smoking pot and you may have opportunities, and here's where I stand, it's not something I'm okay with.” She then discusses how to get out of a situation that they don’t want to be in. She says, “You can send me a text with a code word that lets me know you want my help in getting out of the situation.”

Maguire also suggests creating a code or a safe word. “They need to have a safe word that they can text you and when you receive it you will come pick them up with no questions asked,” she says.

Identify Your Anxiety

Parents often feel anxiety about their teens’ increased time spent with friends and possibly engaging in risky behaviors. Sometimes parents might not even know where their child is if they are able to drive. “There's all these tracking opportunities that parents have like 360,” says Sanders. “If we're feeling very concerned about our kids safety and their whereabouts and we find ourselves tracking them all the time, I think it's important to have a conversation with our kids about that.”

Sanders suggests figuring out where your anxiety is coming from and what needs to change to decrease that anxiety. “Why are we so concerned? And what do we need to make happen so that we don’t feel that kind of anxiety? Is it more communication between the parent and the child? Is it just an acceptance from the parent that we're going to have to let go a little bit?” she says.

Maguire says that if you know you provided your child with the tools to handle situations then you can trust that they will make a good choice. “The more you can become your child's guide and help them look at those peer relationships and help them understand their choices the better prepared they will be to handle those risky situations,” she says.

Find Support from Other Parents

When your kids were younger it was easier to find support from other parents during playgroups. It may be more challenging to find those same support systems when your child is independent, and you might not know their friend’s parents. But Sanders says that it’s helpful to reach out to other parents for that support. “As a parent, having our own community of other parents can be very helpful. Because what you'll find for the most part is that you're not alone, in your worries and in your concerns, and they're all totally legitimate,” she says.