Whether you live in the same house as your grandchildren, an hour away, or across the country, the world of grand-parenting can be tricky. How can you make a connection with the grandkids without being pushy? How do you have fun with them while also responsibly honoring the boundaries laid out by their parents? Check out some common issues parents have with grandparents, have a think about it, and get out there and be the best grandparent you can be!

Don’t say everything that comes to your mind

As Jen M.L. of the popular People I Want to Punch in the Throat blog says, “You had your chance to [mess] up a kid and now it’s my turn, so pipe down with all the unwanted advice.” Share those thoughts instead with your friends at work or the community center.

Do show up!

You don’t need an engraved invitation to a Little League baseball game; if I emailed you the schedule, I want you to come. If you don’t show up to any of the birthday parties because you are mad at me or too busy, that’s only hurting the relationship with your grandchild. Let’s talk it out.

Don’t parent them (that’s my job)

I expect you to spoil them! If I have said, “Go for it,” then give them candy, let them go on a cartoon binge and by all means buy them the entire set of Harry Potter books! Likewise, though, if I ask you to not smoke, drink or watch Dexter around the kids, please respect that.

Do take it easy on the material junk

Most kids have tons of random junk they never play with. May I suggest a lovely family gift of a zoo membership next Christmas? Or if you insist on dropping $50 on each birthday, how about a $20 gift and a $30 savings account donation?

Don’t bring up religion or politics, please

This is a loaded topic for grown adults, so don’t bring it up around your kids and grand-kids. Your job is to love the grand-kids, just get along, and help out if you like. Asking them in private why they don’t go to church is not acceptable.

Do be supportive

If your grandchild is struggling with something in school or life, it’s not always your kid’s fault. Instead of blaming or saying your grandchild never acts that way around you, ask what you can do to help. Can you watch the other kids while your grandchild goes to therapy? Come over for a while to cook or just sit and read to your grandchild? Maybe your grandchild is struggling with science and you are a Chemical Engineer. Think help instead of snark.

Don’t be a helicopter grandparent

Michele P., mom of one, offers, “Don’t be a helicopter grandparent. Let the parents make the same mistakes and learn from them. We all turned out fine.” Unless your grandchild is in serious danger, it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Do communicate regularly

With so many ways to stay in touch, there’s really no excuse for not communicating regularly. Try to remember that if you don’t hear from your grand-kids for a while, it’s not because they hate you. Sometimes, it just means they have a lot going on or are more focused on their friends currently, depending on their ages. Keep reaching out!

Don’t take it personally

If your bottle-fed daughter chooses to breastfeed her children, I promise it’s not a personal attack on all your life choices. Likewise, if your public-schooled son tells you he and his partner are going to home school the grand-kids, it does not mean your child hated every day of school and it’s all your fault.